would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
