is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
