wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
