According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
