sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
