My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize