Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
