Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
