and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
