y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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