the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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