But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize