who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
