I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
