rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize