Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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