I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
