I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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