See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
