This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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