adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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