True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
