Too much gin, very little bucket
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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