fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize