Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
