I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
