We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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