it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
