That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
