That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
