i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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