you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
