I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
