The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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