Can i not drive my cunt home
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize