now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
