i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
