I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
