I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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