sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
