I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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