rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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