Where did you get a picture of my penis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
