I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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