The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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