Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
