the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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