Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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