Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cannot find my penis.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
