It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
