She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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