My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
