My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
