The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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