Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
