come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
