apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
