hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we should paint friendship bongs
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