the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
