Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
