we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
