You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
