I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize