This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
