Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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