you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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