saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
