just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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