Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
