If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
